I (used to) dream about..

Leaving in reality is a must but hard as hell if you know what I mean.  Sometimes I prefer not to believe in reality coz it's harmless.  Of all I dreamed of, most of all I dream about us together, sunshine.  I know from the very beginning we are not qualified to be together given the fact of your circumstances.  But I refuse to stick to facts and let my heart controlling my life.  Even I can feel troubles and heartbroken, I blindly not listen to my inner self.

Do I have any regret about dreaming us together?  Even when I cannot stop tears from falling down, I have to admit that is the best thing I can dream about.   Nothing I wanna change from this beautiful 1 year with you.  There are many times I want to let myself down about us but I just cannot do it.  I guess old habit really die hard.

My mom is going all the way the holly land just to say her special prayer for me not to feel discouraged and be all alone and lonely.  That kills me.  And all I can do is to pray and pray hard asking God whether I can chose both of being realistic and keep my dream alive.  It has been quite a while since my last tears and I cannot help to cry again now.  I am not okay and feeling terribly sad and devastated but cannot scream for help.