Jadi Kesimpulannya Adalah...

Gegara sebuah kejadian aneh yang baru saja berlangsung (dan masih akan berlanjut kayaknya ehek) sayah jadi pengen menuliskan ini deh.  Ceritanya tadi dini hari sayah mengganti profile pic di bb dengan hasil jepretan iseng hari minggu.  Foto itu adalah saya dengan salah seorang model yang minggu siangnya saya tepuk2 mukanya pake spons bedak, oret-oret dagu dan jidatnya dengan koleksi pewarna dari palet punya irvan, dan hapus2 keringatnya sepanjang pemotretan.  Anehnya ada satu komen dari temen yang menyimpulkan foto itu sebagai niat sayah untuk pindah profesi dari PNS ke artist management *deziiggghhhh*

Jauh banget ya nek.... Kagum deh sama kemampuan deduksi kamyu *siram dulux pentalite warna pelangi ke yang bersangkutan*

Wording Does Matter

There's different feeling when I said to people that I am about to turn 37 this year instead of 36 now.  Just realized couple days ago that I am actually 36 and according to me that's still young enough to act careless (sometimes :p).  Since I feel 37 will be creepier, I am glad that I am not yet in that age.  So I stop saying to people that I will turn 37 ahay ;)

Say A Little Prayer

People say there is part of wound in your soul that only can be touched by God.  So let us pray for God to heal it.  Give it a try, even only just a simple one.

I (used to) dream about..

Leaving in reality is a must but hard as hell if you know what I mean.  Sometimes I prefer not to believe in reality coz it's harmless.  Of all I dreamed of, most of all I dream about us together, sunshine.  I know from the very beginning we are not qualified to be together given the fact of your circumstances.  But I refuse to stick to facts and let my heart controlling my life.  Even I can feel troubles and heartbroken, I blindly not listen to my inner self.

Do I have any regret about dreaming us together?  Even when I cannot stop tears from falling down, I have to admit that is the best thing I can dream about.   Nothing I wanna change from this beautiful 1 year with you.  There are many times I want to let myself down about us but I just cannot do it.  I guess old habit really die hard.

My mom is going all the way the holly land just to say her special prayer for me not to feel discouraged and be all alone and lonely.  That kills me.  And all I can do is to pray and pray hard asking God whether I can chose both of being realistic and keep my dream alive.  It has been quite a while since my last tears and I cannot help to cry again now.  I am not okay and feeling terribly sad and devastated but cannot scream for help.