How I See Life - Passing Another Bar
It's still June, so I am allowed to write something about birth day.
When I said to God years ago that I wanna be with myself as much as I need, I always think this is serious. 30 is just a number to help me explain to people hahaha.. But I thought that I would give up and be like anybody else not long after I pass that secret number. Yet here I am experiencing the 'passing the bar' moment for a good 6 times :)
Enough talking about why I wanna live a life like this, I get bored even discussing again this matter with myself only. But does life get better because of my choice? Hmmm... People can have their own opinion, but I would like to see it this way: everything comes in its own cost. And life is always tough I suppose. I still see it like that until now.
I am still struggling to navigate myself in this world not only professionally but also personally. Do I really want to be here? With this organization? Why don't I try offers that came? I wanna settle down but does he really wanna be with me? What if I am just a big joke to him? Is it true that nothing worthy to fight for about me? Am I satisfied with this arrangement?
What the future will bring me is blurry. However I learned a lot, I think since the begining of this year, that in micro level I am controlling my destiny. I mean I should be the one who decide whether I am happy or not.
I know that choices that I have now are vague. I even sometimes think that I have no choice at all :) But even in the darkest days, I keep reminding my self that my reaction to whatever happen in life determine what kind of person I am. So I chose to be happy. Just like the saying, in one day I only can please one person and I chose me. I thik so far it's fair enough if the same choice keeps on repeated everyday :) I think I cannot make any single human being suround me happy if I don't start with myself. Hahahah..even to be happy needs effort.
So yes, to me life is always about survival. I am no fun woman, I am a fighter and I don't mind being one as long as life requires me to do it.
Happy birthday, Nana. Keep on fighting!! *kiss and hugs* :)
When I said to God years ago that I wanna be with myself as much as I need, I always think this is serious. 30 is just a number to help me explain to people hahaha.. But I thought that I would give up and be like anybody else not long after I pass that secret number. Yet here I am experiencing the 'passing the bar' moment for a good 6 times :)
Enough talking about why I wanna live a life like this, I get bored even discussing again this matter with myself only. But does life get better because of my choice? Hmmm... People can have their own opinion, but I would like to see it this way: everything comes in its own cost. And life is always tough I suppose. I still see it like that until now.
I am still struggling to navigate myself in this world not only professionally but also personally. Do I really want to be here? With this organization? Why don't I try offers that came? I wanna settle down but does he really wanna be with me? What if I am just a big joke to him? Is it true that nothing worthy to fight for about me? Am I satisfied with this arrangement?
What the future will bring me is blurry. However I learned a lot, I think since the begining of this year, that in micro level I am controlling my destiny. I mean I should be the one who decide whether I am happy or not.
I know that choices that I have now are vague. I even sometimes think that I have no choice at all :) But even in the darkest days, I keep reminding my self that my reaction to whatever happen in life determine what kind of person I am. So I chose to be happy. Just like the saying, in one day I only can please one person and I chose me. I thik so far it's fair enough if the same choice keeps on repeated everyday :) I think I cannot make any single human being suround me happy if I don't start with myself. Hahahah..even to be happy needs effort.
So yes, to me life is always about survival. I am no fun woman, I am a fighter and I don't mind being one as long as life requires me to do it.
Happy birthday, Nana. Keep on fighting!! *kiss and hugs* :)
Labels: nanaworld
posted by nana at 11:37 PM
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