The Pressure is ON

What pressure? This's maybe an imaginary one for some people.

Here is the thing: I know that long distance relationship is not my cup of tea. I simply don't wanna do it. But what if I have no choice? Yes that's right... like it or not I really have to do it now.

At first a tried to accept that for the time being I really have to do it. Well at least until next year. But the more I try the more I know that I cannot do it. So it is my choice to end it at the soonest. Then I started to seek for other job opportunities in Jakarta. I even don't mind to change my status as permanent employee now and work based on project.

One or two opportunities come, alhamdulillah. Some I have to decline because although those are good and bring closer to si pacar, I dont think that I can survive the hardship of the work. And now...there is one opportunity coming.

I think I will be good in that position and I said yes for that organization's invitation of an interview. So last week within my excitement to get the opportunity, I told one of my colleague. To my surprise she tell other people about it. The worst is that she told my direct supervisor about my interview. Now the situation is awkward because my super just confronted me with the news she got.

I cannot blame my super to confirm my loyalty because it's her task to make sure the whole team member is with her along the journey. What I still cannot understand is the reason that colleague pass the information about me to the super. Even to other people who relate with me in distance. It is so amazing that she did it.

I cannot think any positive reasoning that might be in her mind when decided to gossip around about me, when I specifically told her to keep it for herself. It's just amazingly ugly to do such thing. For sure I cannot trust her anymore now. And if ever that particular position is really for me, I will confront her nicely to say that what she did is not nice at all and she should watch her behaviour.

Anyway..I feel the pressure in increasing now. Because now my super know openly that I am thinking about leaving. And as the 'Nana' that I know, I understand this need to be fulfilled. Yes, if before I was only testing the water to leave and even have preliminary decision to stay, now I really have to leave. I have to set my way out of my job now very soon. While at the same time I have doubt whether si pacar really want me to be with him or not (remember, he escape for 3 days already with no warning already).

So yes the pressure is very much on. I may will decide to just resign without any other secured job, that can happen. Let's see how can I survive this difficult situation.

An experience now about thing I get warned already in the past: be careful with Filipina coz gossiping is in their blood. Now I learn my lesson and say to myself: never trust Filipina. It sounds racist and generalizing, but so what? This's me, a person. I don't ask people to follow, it's just me and my decision.