be still, be present, be aware
I am a total lost soul. Again I miss the old me, the one that I cannot recreate anymore yet I am struggling to have one. What a waste of energy to be spent...
I forget that at anytime I've to take a deep breath and listen to what is said in my head. Be silent for a moment and digest things before act. Only by that I can see what things need to be addressed and what's my ego talking to me.
Yet I am reacting immediately on whatever happen in life. I should know that it will hurt myself behaving like that but somehow I keep on doing it. As if I am clueless on how to navigate myself in this world. I am blur with who I am. I feel like a looser. I forgot the purpose of my being. And I only can see that everything wounds me easily. That happen all the time and in some point I am surprised by how fragile I am, which I know I am not at all like that.
Of all bad words given to me, I should have see those as sands thrown into my face that the winds will blow them away. Of all neglect and ignorance from my loved one, I should see those as learning experience of what I should not do to others.
But even when I am talking to myself now, I still don't know how to deal with my anger/ego about text messages and calls I received in the past 2 weeks. I tried my best not to tell him but at one point yesterday I could not help it. I just want to face this problem together, but looks like I have to do it by myself. I am left alone now. So what should I do? Feeling angry, miserable, or what?
Be still my heart... be present..be present... until I know what to do :((
I forget that at anytime I've to take a deep breath and listen to what is said in my head. Be silent for a moment and digest things before act. Only by that I can see what things need to be addressed and what's my ego talking to me.
Yet I am reacting immediately on whatever happen in life. I should know that it will hurt myself behaving like that but somehow I keep on doing it. As if I am clueless on how to navigate myself in this world. I am blur with who I am. I feel like a looser. I forgot the purpose of my being. And I only can see that everything wounds me easily. That happen all the time and in some point I am surprised by how fragile I am, which I know I am not at all like that.
Of all bad words given to me, I should have see those as sands thrown into my face that the winds will blow them away. Of all neglect and ignorance from my loved one, I should see those as learning experience of what I should not do to others.
But even when I am talking to myself now, I still don't know how to deal with my anger/ego about text messages and calls I received in the past 2 weeks. I tried my best not to tell him but at one point yesterday I could not help it. I just want to face this problem together, but looks like I have to do it by myself. I am left alone now. So what should I do? Feeling angry, miserable, or what?
Be still my heart... be present..be present... until I know what to do :((
posted by nana at 10:04 AM
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